Fresh Beginnings

A new semester, while in college, is a fresh beginning.  All the things that happened in the past semester are gone and there is no going back to change the past.  Some of the people that you had met have gone on to new adventures and some are still there.  Some professors are familiar and some are new.  This gives one an opportunity to build upon past relationships and begin new ones.  It is also time to mend a relationship that went bad.  It is a fresh beginning.

All of the scores and the things that went well or did not go well in the last semester are still with you.  They are there to learn from and reflect upon.  One can look at these things and continue with what they did if satisfied or one can look on them and change some things to accomplish their goals.  For example, if you did not earn the grades that you wanted there is a chance to reflect and see what you could have done different to change the outcome.  While you cannot go back and change the results of last semester there are other options.  One can retake the class and earn a better grade or one can accept the grade and learn from the self-reflection on what needs to be done to earn better grades.  It is a fresh beginning and the choices are there to make.  The mistakes or successes of the past are there to help guide the fresh beginning.

This is also a time of reflecting on what one really wants to do with their life.  They can decide if the major that was chosen was what they want to do or not.  It is a time to change the road that they are on and to explore other avenues.  New classes abound and there are multiple number of roads that one can take.  One is not stuck in what they chose to do the last semester.  The new semester allows one to go down a different road and explore various options.  What you chose last year or last semester is not all defining and the new semester gives you the keys to unlock the gate to new roads that you want to explore.  It is a fresh beginning.

The past is still there and it what was done may not be changed, however it is still there to learn from and grow.  With the fresh beginning of the new semester, the keys are in ones hand to choose which road to take, with whom they want to take it and how they will traverse the road ahead.  It is an exciting and exhilarating time for college students.  For one is not defined by their past per se, the keys to new endeavors are in everyone’s hand with the new semester.  It is a time of fresh beginnings.

Risky Buisness

What is a risk?  This is something I have been asking myself since that day that someone told me that I was taking a risk in leaving my job to go back to school and pursue a Ph. D..  I had never really contemplated it as being a risk at all.  For me it was just an opportunity that was there and I was going to take it.  So I asked myself, why do others see this as a risk?

After some long deliberations on the questions I began to see how people could see what I was doing as risky.  It is very out of character for a man in his 40s to go back to school and leave a secure job that he has had for 10 years, while not knowing if he is going to be able to succeed in his new endeavors.  There is also the idea of leaving the hometown of mine and my wife’s’ families.  Not to mention the adjustment of going from owning a home to almost assuredly living in an apartment in a city that neither of us are familiar with.  The biggest city that either of us has ever lived in is Mt. Pleasant.  This is where we raised our children and have accumulated many relationships and memories over the years.  All of these thoughts began to burgeon on my mind.

All of these things started to change my view on what I am doing.  I have started to see and realize what people meant by taking a risk.  I am leaving everything behind that I have built up over the years to begin a new adventure in my life.  Even though it is scary and can be viewed as risky by people, this examination of the “risk” that I am taking, have led to a stronger conviction of how I always have felt about my decision.

Although many see this as a risk, I only see it as an opportunity that I have been destined to take my entire life.  I do not see it as leaving everything behind.  I see it as changing the script that has been written for me by others.  I am not stuck in one place and am able to go and flourish in the world.  I yearn for the excitement of the new city and challenges that are going to come my way.  I cannot wait for the chance to explore and make new acquaintances.  What I see as a risk is flying in a plane, others just see it as an opportunity to begin a new adventure.  Whether it is an opportunity or a risk, the only way to get somewhere it to take one of them and ride it out. 

Inferiority complex

Feelings of inferiority can have a detrimental effect on a person and a battle that I fight every day of my life.  Some days I feel that I have it conquered and it cannot affect me again.  The very next morning I will wake up completely replete in this horrific feeling of being inferior, incompetent and unworthy.  I have been this way as long as I can remember and have not been able to shake it. 

This summer being around so many amazing scholars has exacerbated this inferiority conflict that I have.  Everywhere I turn they are all doing such amazing things and are so intellectual that I continually have to ask myself if I am deserving of the honor of being in this cohort.  They may not see it on the outside, yet on the inside I am continually trying to suppress these feelings.  At times the burning questions becomes too much and some of it leaks out into my disposition and I become virulent with all of those around me.  At these particular times I am losing the battle with my thoughts of inferiority.

Although I lose some battles with my inferiority complex, there are other times that it has pushed me to go beyond what I thought I could do.  For this, I have to give praise to all the passionate scholars that I am honored to be a part of.  Whether they know it or not, they have pushed me to become a better person and to change how I live and what I eat.  They have pushed me in the way that I think about things and how I see other people.  They have indirectly challenged me to push the envelope and become more scholarly and immerse myself into the world of academia.  At times like these I am winning the battle with my inferiority.

Inferiority is my continual burning question that I will continue to face each day, yet through this exploration of my inner self this summer, I am begging to understand what it is that makes me click.  Understanding is the first step in conquering this burning question that I have every day.  The next step is realizing that I do belong and am deserving of the things that I receive.